Yesterday when I awoke I saw a glitter of fairy dust right above me, hovering, hovering seductively for me to just stick out my bed-wrinkled hands and grab. To just, grab. I sat up on my bed. Of course I tried to grab it. Like swatting flies I tried to grab it.

I would have had better luck swatting for flies.

During that vague moment between consciousness and unconsciousness you don't know whether you're actually staring at fairy dust or you're just dreaming. You do, however, still consciously think and react in such manners. You grab. As in, literally reach out and grab, even though the fairy dust you're staring at is all but in your head.

This is where I'm at. I'm at the in between. I grab. And it might just all be in my head. It's okay, because if it is then eventually I'll wake up with groggy realization anyway. And I'll probably just move right along.

Look what my frend wrote on his FB...


Joel Rene Pereira thinks that Muhammad Firdaus Jumma't looks like Hady Mirza!! :)

all i have to do now is get my degree get rich and get a car.

an mx5 or a mini cooper s would be alright.

I refuse to blame myself for the mess created 20 years of my life. It wasn't my fault. I DIDN'T RAISE MYSELF UP now, did i? There are so many conditions that shape me for who I am today. The partial good side of me, and the bad side are consequences of your upbringing. Culture shapes you, haven't you heard?

You cannot blame me for having two 'mothers' just because you didn't want to take full care of me when I was younger. You went out working. It's natural to bond with people when you see them 24/7 you know? I never blamed you, because what you did, you gave me people to love, people who love me in return.   

But what I blame you for is the fact that you accuse me, time and time again that I take sides. I remember crying to sleep one night, brooding over your random question of who would I choose, you or her? I was eight. Alone, and scared of the possibilities of a wrong choice. As I grew up, I realized that I don't have to choose. I can have both, but no, you don't accept that possibility, do you? If anyone is to blame for my obstinateness, that'd be you. Trust me, I got it directly from you. I'm scared of the possibility of growing up to be exactly like you.

Don't you ever think that whatever I say to you might be objective? Like something that would actually solve the matter? Yes, I don't deny the fact that she's like my financial aid (hell, she's OUR financial aid) but at least she understands when she bad-mouthed you and I take a stand, & tells her the positivity of the situation, she never accuses me of taking sides. She knew that I was being objective & that's what I do. I don't take sides, I mediate. But no, you don't see that, do you? You live in this tight, narrow alley where only your arguments are infallible, others are merely bullshit. You cannot take suggestions, can you?

Have you ever thought of the world I'd live in if she's not there? This laptop I'm typing on would have been the school's property or perhaps my phone, oh wait, would I even have a phone? Let's see what else. Because of her, I just had to work hard enough. You can blame her for making me materialistic but don't blame her for motivating me to study. Study I did, didn't I?  

But, nevertheless, love cannot be bought with money, have you ever thought about that? But why blame me, when you can blame yourself? You blame me for generation gap, you blame me for not talking to you. You tell the whole world that our relationship is full of flaws, but have you ever thought that maybe, maybe I tried to make it better, it's just you and your obstinateness refuse to accept it? You know, one day, all the financial aid I received my entire life, I'll have to repay back somehow. She gives me money because she loves me, & never because in time of crisis, she wants me to take her sides. You know how I know this? I can read people, no matter how meager. I can read you, and I don't like what I read sometimes. But I swallow them in, because I thought that maybe if I ignore certain things, they'd go away like nightmares. But no, it's not like split ends where you can just cut them off.  

One more thing, I flared up in arguments (which I try as much to shut myself up to prevent any lengthy ones occurring, if you notice, but you didn't, did you?) because you refuse to listen to me, no matter how gentle I control my voice to be.

Because mother, if you actually listen to what I say, I never meant harm. All I want to do is make everything better. If only you take one minute to listen and never try to argue. I hate answering back to you because I know it's rude & it makes you unhappy. I hate to make you unhappy. But all I wanted you to do was listen and take time to think of what I have to say, for once.

You know mother, I believe that everyone shows love in myriad of forms. I'm the physical type. I like hugs. What's yours, mother?

My 'This Is Anfield' poster tore.

:(

I kinda prefer Season 3 of Primeval to Season 2. The eyecandy of Stephen has been replaced by Captain Becker, who is rather yummy himself and has the additional advantage of not banging Helen. Nick is no longer around being all depressed, first over Helen and then over Claudia. There's no more Caroline to make me want to vomit every time she appears on screen or touches Connor. Even Lester is better this season 'round, more sarcastic. I actually find myself liking the guy now!

And then there are the new cast additions. Becker, like I said, who is really a mix of Stephen's eyecandy/hunter prowess and Ryan's no-bullshit action man awesomeness. Sarah, whom I really like for being a genius like Connor and yet, still girly. She also reacts in ways that I think is pretty believable; runs and screams when there is trouble, hides when there are giant predators about. and clings to Connor when she's scared. :P I definitely would be clinging to Connor if I'm scared. I also wish that Abby would cling to Connor more when she's scared. Lastly, there's Danny, whom I didn't expect to like much, but is really growing on me.He's very McGuyver-ish, isn't he? Always with the props and plans. And he brings in the funny too!

So, S3 is turning out better than I thought. :P

But oh! Random fact for the day!

Ben Mansfield, who plays Captain Becker apparently auditioned for the role of Arthur in Merlin, and made it all the way to the final two guys. Which means that it was apparently down to both him and Bradley James! And Bradley won! *waves  Bradley James pom poms* XD

Can you imagine him as Arthur?

After a really long time, I've finally decided to change the layout of my lj. And I really love it now, it's all stripey and brown and me. :P Only one problem. I would really like to push the two columns to the ends of the page so that my entry column can be wider. Cos as it is, the entry column width is too narrow and some of my picspams get cut off. :(

Can anybody help? Please?

exorcisms... hmmmm.

i associate songs with people. it doesnt have to be about them or even anything to do with what we did together. though in general they do resonate in terms of mood.

here's a list.

jihan and lydia would be promiscuous girl.

fa would be torn and sway(maryabam too actually).

daff has got whatcha say to her name...

esther has got down.

sai would be fortune faded and last train home.

jyuneen would be fever.

mandy would always remind me of nana...

shaz has got fame.

cherry has got my sharona and fake plastic trees.

syafiq has got oxford comma... remember the bromance movie.

zaini has got sephia.

maybe i'm just adamant bout this. of course i know all this just makes me look stupid.


all a matter of perspective.

fa... what part of me did ya find so revolting...

has my soul left me for good? i can't seem to find a deeper connection... not anymore.

I love the cinemas. It's like you're trapped in this dark room, confined into some sort of a comfortable chair and get transported to another world. I pay 10bucks for this sense of escapism, something different from sitting on the expressway bridge gazing at the stars, watching the vehicles below us zoom by. The latter provides me with that sense of freedom which the 10bucks lack, the former brings you to places. Anyhow, the darkness, in a sense, seems to extract the body of the world in a space, enhancing the cinematic experience. The large screens introduce a new level of penetration into our minds. You go to where the characters bring you, you feel what the characters feel. You laugh, you cry, you feel your heart races and your tummy does the 360 flip. I have a thing for movie dates because that's where the test begins, no matter how superficial. If a guy is willing to watch a chick flick with me, hold me when I cry and doesn't remind me what a sissy I am, I will sit through a war movie or even a sci-fi, in a heart beat. & what I love most is the little private post-movie discussions we have which usually ends with you drilling a hole in my skull and putting the thoughts of 'it's just a film' into my mind.  Yes, yes. I shouldn't get over-excited over some work of fiction although I really cannot help checking out na'vi language now. 

what a loser i am...